see mj write: day 10 {a photo taken of you over 10 years ago}

okay, so this photo was taken of me more than TWENTY years ago, but who's counting?

the back of the picture says it was taken on christmas eve 1987, but i think the back of the picture lies because if it were christmas eve, we'd be in brand new, most likely matching jammies. but i'm pretty sure it was 1987.

i love this picture and everything about it. i love the knick knacks hanging on the wall in the background: the kinnersley crest, the hand-painted decorative chess board {nice, mom}, the hanging beeswax cutouts and crosstiched ducks.

i love the couch. oh, the couch! isn't it a beauty? so many fond memories on this couch. we built forts in it, used the couch cushions to jump over hot lava, laid on it when we were sick, cuddled on it to watch the weekly disney movie, had birthday parties surrounding it. isn't it funny how a piece of furniture can be such a part of your life?

i love the subject matter: scott, the oldest, on the left with his excellent glasses and dashing footballasaurus pajamas. i love scott's smile in this picture. so real and genuine. scott was often serious. he had to be. scott had to grow up too quickly and was expected to be serious. so i love that he's smiling and is one of the kids in this picture. kelli, the youngest, next to him. kelli was the family entertainer and could be counted on to make any of us laugh. she never got in trouble for anything. ever. i always took the blame for her. but looking at this picture makes me realize how. aren't her 3 year old cheeks just squishable? dan is next to her. dan was the family clown. he did get in trouble lots, but he basically deserved it all. he used to regift his garfield comic books to me for my birthday. dan only ever read one book {ty: the ty detmer story} when he was younger. i think he used it for book reports in every grade. loving the karate kid jams, dan. and then there's me. of course i'm wearing a nightgown. i loved those things. except they got all twisted up in bed. remind me why i love them again?

i grew up in a great house. we didn't have much in the ways of the world. my dad was sick for most of my early childhood and we had a lot of medical expenses that didn't leave funds left over for much else. but my incredible mom made do and never made me feel like i was lacking. of course i didn't get everything i wanted. but i definitely had all i needed. and, even though i can probably count on one hand the number of days all of my siblings and i got along, we made it. and we're great friends now. and i'd include my mom in that 'great friend' category.

growing up, i couldn't have asked for a better family. {or a better couch.} and this photo is such a great reminder of that.

see mj write: day 9 {a photo you took}

i like to take self portraits.

so what!? i think it's fun. and i'm pretty good at it. i rarely miss people in the frame.
and this, my friends, is how you take a self portrait. i got everyone in the frame, first try, waddling up walter's wiggles while hiking to angel's landing at zion national park last summer {except for chris...he was off being a hot shot running up all the wiggles and had already turned the corner}.i highly recommend the hike {so long as you have no fear of heights}. i highly recommend the company {these guys are great}. and i highly recommend taking a self portrait as you go {but good luck getting one as good as this}.

see mj write: day 8 {a photo that makes you angry/sad}

i know...she's smiling. she's happy. she's cute.

but she can't do this anymore, and that makes me sad.
once in awhile it makes me angry, but mostly it makes me sad.

see mj write: day 7 {a photo that makes you happy}

i've been given the monumental task of recording my grandpa's 89 year history.

okay, i gave myself the task.

but it wasn't really my fault. i was at work one day about six years ago. i didn't really love my job and it consisted of mindless writing...so i let my mind wander. and wander it did. i kept getting this nagging feeling to interview my grandpa. i put it off. and then the nagging continued. so i called him up and scheduled a date to go and talk to him. i came prepared with a video camera and loads of questions and i think it turned out to be a great interview.

and then, sadly, my grandpa died just eight months later.

and now, i have to compile it all, along with thousands of pictures ,and create a book. that's my fault too. i'm not the kind of person who can just 3-hole punch a few stories and scotch tape some pictures alongside and call it good. i want it to be great. i want to be proud of it. i want it to adequately reflect the wonderful life that was his. i don't want to leave anything out. and so...because i secretly know it will never be perfect...it's still not done. it's barely started. but it's started. and it's {one of} my next big projects. and now that i've admitted it, i guess i have to follow through. hmmm.

anyway, because i've had the privilege to hear, firsthand, so many incredible stories and see so many beautiful pictures, i have many reasons to feel happy and blessed to be a part of his life. so i chose this photograph to illustrate something that makes me happy.

i love this picture for a lot of reasons. first, i love it, because i love my grandpa. he's super cute, don't you think? he's blood. he's family. my family makes me happy.

second, he's in the navy. i'm so blessed to live in a free county. my freedom makes me happy.

third, when in the navy, you have to physically exert yourself. exercising gives me endorphins and makes me happy.

fourth, when in the navy, you also hopefully have downtime. vegging makes me happy.

fifth, he's reading the scriptures. i'm a religious person. my religious beliefs and knowledge make me happy.

sixth, this photograph was taken circa 1945. for some reason, this time period fascinates me. i know it was a horrendous time for many reasons, but learning more about it makes me happy.

and really, i love this picture because there's a story behind it. it's not just a picture. it's a person. i've invested many maren hours learning about and loving this person and it just makes me happy.

and this picture, taken in 2004 on the day i interviewed him, makes me happy too.

it's always fun when grandpa comes...

grandpa came to visit us last monday night!
he had a meeting for work in the area, so he flew in the night before to be with his favorite granddaughter.
as you can see, she was more than pleased...as anyone would be when treated to a yummy dinner, a delicious pie and a box full of Easter goodies {thanks, grandma!!}.just thought i'd include these three pictures in a row.
leah isn't always the cuddliest of kids, but she seems to snuggle right into grandpa.{at their first ever-meeting, leah 9 months} ... {leah, 2 years} ... {leah, 3 years}

see mj write: day 6 {whatever tickles your fancy}

i have a secret: i like to make up words.

really. completely new, thought-up-by-me words. and then i like to use them in every day conversation. most have never caught on and people just stare at me when i try, but there's one i'm considering for entry into merriam-webster's latest edition.

it's become a household word in our family. my mom uses it and all of my siblings use it. ryan even uses it occasionally. i say it all the time. i might have even used it here in cyberspace without realizing it. so as to not leave you in the dark wondering, "what in the world did maren just say?" i thought i'd let you in on it:

alagonchy.

"what does it mean?" you ask. to answer that question, we're going to have to travel back in time to my sophomore health class in high school.

the year is 1997. it was a new school year. a new school, for that matter. i remember wondering who would be in all of my classes and what teachers i would have. as i've mentioned before, i was {kind of} a nerd in high school. i worried about getting to class on time and got sick to my stomach if an assignment was returned with anything less than the first letter of the alphabet scrawled across the top. teachers liked me. well, most teachers liked me.

deb. did. not.

i'm not sure what i ever did to deb to make her not like me, but whatever it was, you could just tell i wasn't on her good side. and, of all teachers, i landed in her sophomore year health class. i wasn't about to let it get me down. i had a few friends in the class with me and we sat together in the back corner. we weren't extremely disruptive, but we were known to chat and have a good time.

one day, deb was at the chalkboard and, as a class, we were discussing emotions. you know, happy, sad, afraid, excited. as each emotion was introduced, deb asked for synonyms. happy: cheerful, glad, delighted, merry, joyful, and on and on. sad: down, gloomy, dismal, forlorn, glum, low, melancholy, etc., etc. scared: afraid, um, um, um...silence.

for some reason, the classroom full of 15 and 16 year olds couldn't think of what deb thought was an adequate amount of synonyms for scared. that's when whitney and i decided to make one up. deb wasn't going to let it go, so we strung together a few sounds and came up with alagonchy. al. a. gon. chy.

we raised our hands and gave her our answer.

"oh." said deb. "i've heard that before. what does it mean?"

"uh, scared of afraid" i replied. {isn't that what we were synonym-ing???}

"right." she replied. "i've heard of that. nice word!"

it was at that point whitney and i got a little nervous. was it really a word? did it mean something we weren't aware of? if deb had heard the word before, it had to mean something. she was a high school teacher, after all. so i went home and checked my trusty copy of webster's dictionary. nothing. i even tried to spell it a few different ways. nada. zilch. zippo.

deb was such a liar! she didn't want to admit she didn't know the meaning of a word one of her students "knew" about, so she feigned an increase in her own knowledge to make it look like she knew what we were talking about. only, we didn't even know what we were talking about!

this, obviously, was quite entertaining to me and whitney...and we decided we would use alagonchy in health class for the remainder of the semester. we'd fit it in wherever we could. guys, i'm not a trouble maker, but this gave me such a thrill. it was hilarious to watch deb's mind reel each time we used it.

for example:

maren and/or whitney: "deb, i'm a little alagonchy for the midterm exam next week. do you think we could have a class review today?"
deb: "alagonchy. what does that mean again?"
maren and/or whitney: "oh, sorry. it means scared or afraid."
deb: "oh, right. of course we can review today."

and so on and so on.

alagonchy became so commonplace for us that some of our friends and family members started to adopt it too. every so often, i check online to see if it's a publicly accepted word, and sadly, it's popularity hasn't reached mr. webster. but i'll keep checking. one day, i'm going to see something other than this when i search online:

next to the phonetic spelling, you'll see "scared or afraid." and you'll know you read it here first.

see mj write: day 5 {your favorite quote}

the first time i read my now-favorite quote, i was on mile 12 of a 13.1 mile race and was just not feelin' it. i started out too fast and crashed. and then i was mad. all i wanted to do was run a sub-two hour half and that was not going to happen. my running partner had raced on ahead, sure to meet my goal {for the second time in a month} while i lagged behind. i feigned some smiles at the end of the race for picture-taking sake, but i was mad.

"We must do the thing we think we cannot do."
-eleanor roosevelt

and you know what i thought when i saw the sign?: "eleanor roosevelt must have never run a half marathon."

and maybe she hadn't. but if she had, i bet her mind would have been in it. she wouldn't have given up at mile 9 when she knew she wouldn't meet her time and angrily moseyed her way to the finish line.

i think it's very fitting that this sign was posted near the final stretch of an endurance race. a half marathon, for me, is very doable. in fact, it's one of my preferred distances. it's long enough that i definitely have to train and work hard, but it's short enough that i know, barring any injuries, i will finish. it doesn't tear up my body like a full marathon and i can still live a normal life during the weeks of training.

but, my attitude at the end of the race and overall view of each particular training run has a lot to do with with the way i think.

if i plan to run, say, 10 miles one day, i know i can do it. i'll be tired at the end and i might not look pretty, but i can do it. if i plan to run, say, 18 miles, it's the same story. but, if i plan to run 10 and get lost or make a wrong turn or miscalculate the route and end up running 18, even if i'm physically trained to run that far, it's almost as if my body can't keep up. my mind wasn't prepared so my body doesn't follow suit. i wasn't mentally prepared.

and, believe it or not, i don't think eleanor roosevelt meant for this quote to be about running! i find its words so true in many aspects of my life. i need to stretch myself and go out of my comfort zone in order to experience new levels of growth. i need to feel a little bit of pain in a sacrifice to make it worthwhile. i need to believe in myself and my own personal worth and abilities.

most likely, i'm going to doubt whatever big obstacle is standing in my way. but if i doubt it and then give myself that little mental push that i can do it, i'm pretty sure i'll make it happen...and i'll be so happy i did. hopefully i'll be pushed along with the help and encouragement of others. and there is a high probability that some blood, sweat and tears will be mixed in, but if i think i can, i will.

see mj write: day 4 {your favorite book}

it seems fitting that today, the day we celebrate the atonement and resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ, i was able to spend some time thinking about my favorite book, the hiding place by corrie ten boom.

if you read one book this year, it should be this one. and if you need a copy, you can borrow mine - as long as you don't mind reading from well-worn, falling-out pages.

the book details a few years of the lives of a christian family, the ten booms, as they seek to aid their jewish friends in any way possible during the nazi invasion of holland. after a little while, the ten boom family is discovered hiding jews in their home, the beje. most of her family ends up being killed or dying from sicknesses in concentration camps. corrie and her sister end up goign to the same prisons and concentration camps for most of the time. they are miraculously able to sneak in a copy of the bible and proceed to teach the other prisonsers and even some guards about the love of christ. betsie succumbs to an illness and ends up dying in a camp. corrie is released due to what later proved to be a clerical error.

the time period and historical facts in this book are incredible and so interesting, yes. but, it's not why i have read this book over and over and over throughout the past 10 years of my life.

it's the ten boom's attitudes. their faith. their knowledge and belief in a loving heavenly father. their yearning to teach others of the love Christ has for each of his children, no matter their circumstances in life.

these feelings come so naturally to corrie's sister, betsie, while corrie tends to struggle with having kind thoughts about the nazis or those leading the concentration camps. and yet they trudge on through life, ever forgiving, ever mindful of others, ever faithful and ever growing and learning from their experiences. in one particular instance, betsie said a prayer thanking god for the fleas in their cell. corrie thought she was crazy! but they later learned that the guards kept a good distance from that particular cell specifically because of the fleas.

i've never lived in a concentration camp. i've never witnessed the types of horror so many people witnessed daily during that time. i've never been asked to risk my life to save the life of another. but, i think we can all learn from their outlook on life. we all have trials. we all come to a point where we might need to forgive someone who has wronged us. we all probably need to be forgiven for how we have wronged another. we all have our own personal prisons.

and i think we can take a lesson from corrie and betsie that we are all god's children. jesus christ sacrificed his life for me and for you and for that guy who cut you off on the freeway yesterday, and that lady who looked at your handicapped daughter with disgust because she was acting up at the blood lab. we all need to be thankful for the fleas in our lives.

he atoned for our sins. he bled from every pore for our sorrows. he felt our pain. he knows our grief. this, i know.

{some favorite quotes:}

"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."

"This is what the past is for! Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see."

"God's viewpoint is sometimes different from ours - so different that we could not even guess at it unless He had given us a Book which tells us such things....In the Bible I learn that God values us not for our strenght or our brains but simply because He has made us."

"Perhaps only when human effort had done it's best and failed, would God's power alone be free to work."

"Today I know that such memories are the key not to the past, but to the future. I know that the experiences of our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work He will give us to do. "

see mj write: day 3 {your favorite television program}

watching tv in the layton household is a process. it always has been.

for beginners, ryan and i have never purchased a tv for ourselves. ever. my mom and step dad gave me a 13" tv with built-in vcr circa christmas 2002 and it was used in my apartment of 5 girls. it sufficed. ryan and i then used it for a year or so in our newlywed underground cave.

then one day my big brother scott came to visit. you should have seen the look on his face. scott loves all things computer. all things technology. he got a calculator for his third birthday and took apart our home computer when he was in junior high. my mom just about went ballistic over that one, but scott assured her he could put it back together. and he did. scott owns the latest and greatest of everything - and he knows how it works and how to fix it and how to make it that much better and more powerful. so, when he walked into our hole to see a 13" screen with a vcr as our sole means of entertainment, he just wouldn't have it. that's when he secretly bought us a tv. a 27" with a built-in vcr and {wait for it} dvd player. i emphasize secretly because his wife had no idea. ryan and i knew, but we thought she knew too. nope. i was certain there was going to be a divorce in the family that winter, but they survived. and we got a new tv.

enter 21st century. well, everyone else did, but we still haven't quite made it there. we use rabbit ears. we don't have cable or satellite or dtv or any of those fancy shmancy programs to record all the shows you want to watch and skip through the commercials and make your television viewing experience that much more enjoyable. we do have a digital converter box and we know precisely where to point the rabbit ears to watch our favorite stations {which isn't that impressive, since we only have seven to choose from}.

with this new digital age, we don't get the option of watching a snowstorm on television. we either get the picture, or we don't. and, unless we arrange ourselves in the correct position to coordinate perfectly with said rabbit ears, we just don't get a picture. don't even think about moving around or the show is toast.

all this hassle makes television viewing more of a hassle than anything. so we have maybe three shows we watch each week and that's it. it's just not worth the time. and last night, i went to watch one of those shows, and the rabbit ears broke. they broke, people. one antenna - snap. i called ryan {secretly hoping he'd say something along the lines of 'i guess it's time we got cable'} and he said, after he questioned my mood and force while handling the antenna, "i guess it's time for us to get a better pair of rabbit ears."

it will never end.

so, since our options are limited and we have to choose our entertainment wisely, i wisely choose: glee.

i'm expecting mixed reviews for my choice. i think people either love this show or they hate it. and if they hate it, they've most likely never seen it. ryan fits into this category perfectly. he's seen like 13 seconds of it total and he says it's the dumbest thing he's ever seen. secretly, i think he's afraid he will love it just as much as me.

this show is hilarious. it has me rolling every single wednesday night. i download the music and i have dance parties to it later. leah loves the music too. i asked ryan for the dvd for christmas and he gave me his blessing to buy it myself, but he wasn't going to be caught dead in a store with that in his hands {to his credit, he did already buy me anne of green gables - i think he's paid his dues}.

you can imagine the anger that has been building up inside of me since that dark and dreary december 9th. april? you want me to wait until april to watch more tv? but, it is now april and somehow, i survived and am counting down the days {11, to be exact} to find out what in the world is going to happen to mr. schuester, emma, quinn, finn, puck, rachel and the rest of the gang. i can't fight my feelings any longer.

and yes, we will have new rabbit ears by then.

see mj write: day 2 {your favorite movie}

my little sister was in elementary school when she recreated, on paper, the scene from her then-favorite movie. the teacher was so concerned that a child as young as she was would draw a picture of a man being decapitated while riding a bus that she called a conference with my mom. yes, my sister's favorite movie was speed and that was her favorite scene.

it seems my sister and i inherited polar opposite genes when it comes to movie choices.

i've never considered myself a movie critic. i'm pretty easy to please when it comes to the big screen. make me laugh. make me smile. throw in a little bit of excitement and wrap it all up with a happy ending and you've got yourself a more-than-pleased maren.

i can count on three fingers the number of movies that have made me cry. i will not share this list.

i've never fallen asleep in a theater, but you could bet good money i'll fall asleep watching any movie - good or bad, happy or sad, comical or action-packed - on my couch. it really doesn't matter what time of day or night it is, either.

i have very few rules: 01. keep it clean {there's nothing more annoying than a perfectly good movie ruined by awful language or just once scene that we all could have done without}. 02. don't cast ugly people {i don't pay to see a movie movie just to watch real life...if you want me to fall for the handsome prince, he better be handsome}. 03. wrap it up - no loose ends. 04. three words: happily. ever. after. again, i didn't pay for real life {unless it is a true story, in which case an unhappy ending is acceptable, but not preferred}.

because my rules for success are so simple, it makes narrowing down a favorite {again, singular} a tough job. i have a whole list sitting in front of me. and i know i'm forgetting some. but i promised myself i wouldn't wimp out and post a whole list. i will choose just one.

and the winner is...

Anne of Green Gables.nope. this isn't an april fool's joke...that was yesterday. i have to admit, part of me is bummed that i didn't decide on a cooler movie. but the other part of me knows just how much of a nerd i am and is freely willing to admit that this is {*one of} my favs.

i remember first seeing it at my great aunt zelma's house. aunt zelma had blue shag carpet, a sparkly ceiling and the perfect basement for playing sardines. and since zelma had no children of her own, we all kind of adopted her as our 2nd grandma. zelma had a lot of money, which is how she got anne of green gables in the first place. her pledge during the pbs telethon was high enough to receive the VHS of both anne of green gables and anne of avonlea. that's a lot of money, people. money that i, as a 7 year old, did not have. and so she gifted them to us for christmas.

i had already read the books, but seeing it on film was more than i could handle.

anne shirley - anne with an e - is just perfect. she's kind and funny and honest and smart. she does talk a bit much, but i was so shy as a child, that i wished i had a bit of that trait in me.

i may or may not still have a crush on gilbert blythe.

i will visit prince edward island before i die.

i wanted to hate marilla, but deep down, i knew that cuthbert blood made her a softie.

i did hate rachel lynde {you have to hate somebody, right?}.

matthew. oh, matthew. {**spoiler alert**} i can't not love him. he bought anne her beautiful blue party dress for the love. and his last words???, "i never wanted a boy. i only wanted you from the first day." his death is the only thing that could possibly take this movie off my list.

diana barry was kind of ditsy, but a perfect complement to anne. had they been born in 1981 you better believe both would've had one half of a heart shaped necklace dangling from their necks.

i could go on. but i won't. let's fast forward, instead, to twenty-something maren. i was married and not nearly as wealthy as the aforementioned great aunt zelma. so, there was no way in hades i was going to ever have a pledge high enough to afford these films. that was until my very own prince charming found both a.o.g.g. and the sequel on dvd at walmart {the only saving grace for that insane store, if you ask me}. no pledge necessary.

it's safe to record it in the layton family history as one of his top 5 gifts. ever. and that includes the wedding ring. i think it was painful for him to gift them to me. it was probably more painful for him to purchase them, in public, in broad daylight. someone could have seen him. if that isn't true love, i'm not sure what is. it's like he's my very own gilbert blythe.

it's been fun to watch anne all over again as an adult. the characters are the same, but i hear different words. as the credits roll, i feel i can accomplish anything i put my mind to. anne's confidence is contagious. despite her early years, first impressions and what the world thinks she should be, she is strong and beautiful and smart and witty. adversity is a part of life, but not the end. people are more important than things {you learned that the hard way, huh carrots?}. it's okay to be spontaneous and put yourself out on a limb {or on a rooftop}.

i want to learn more and do more and be more.

and i'm a little less afraid to learn and do and be, because, like anne says, "tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it."



{*the rest of maren's movie anthology:}
action: the bourne trilogy
disney: beauty and the beast
musical: annie/the sound of music
christmas: elf
better ending than its book: my sister's keeper
love story: pride and prejudice
sports: remember the titans
dumber for watching, but can't stop laughing: dumb and dumber/napoleon dynamite
know i love but need to watch again: dead poets society
quotable: the princess bride/meet the parents
broadway turned movie: phantom/les miserables
overrated: avatar
never seen: original star wars trilogy/indiana jones {gasp!}
dumbest ending and way too long {even edited}: braveheart
will never watch again: dark knight
historical fiction: saving private ryan/pearl harbor
must see twice: sixth sense
from a book: harry potter and the...{all of them}/pride and predudice
honorable mentions: enchanted, dan in real life, somewhere in time, while you were sleeping, finding neverland, oceans eleven...and more.