FaceTime fail

This past week, Ryan was traveling for work. This isn't unusual as his new position will have him traveling throughout his territory about 50% of the work week. However, this time, he wasn't in his territory; he was back at John Deere headquarters and rubbing shoulders with some of our Iowa favorites, the Oakes family. 

I just can't say enough good about this family. I miss them dearly. So, because we knew Ryan was at their house, we took the opportunity to FaceTime him and sneak in a chat with five of our favorite Iowans. The kids had just gone to bed, but Haley was adventurous and got them up (serious mom points right there). We had a great chat and it was so good to see all of their faces and hear their voices. I miss them. Ryan misses them. Leah misses them. Kate misses them. And they all miss Jane...especially Adam. 

The chat was wonderful. We caught up on all things church, school and extracurricular. We sang. We made funny faces. We laughed and smiled. And then it was time for goodbyes. 

After we hung up, Kate lost it. I don't think she had really processed our move until that moment and the result broke my heart. In just a few minutes, I heard all of the following phrases:

• "I just love Abby so much." (This was spoken once while smiling, multiple times after while sobbing.)
• "I want a play date with Izzy."
• "Can we both go to Utah at the same time and play at the same park together?"
• "How about we drive to Nebraska and they drive to Nebraska and we have a play date."
• "Can't Mr. Tyrus just get a new job and they can move to Washington too?" (This is my solution, by the way.)
• "I wish we had never moved."
• "Can we move back to Iowa?"
• "Can they move somewhere close enough for you to drive me over to play?"
• "I just miss them so much."

My mom heart hurt for her little sobbing heart. She was feeling so many emotions all at once - emotions I have felt many times over the past few months - and she was just so confused and frustrated and sad. 

Moving is hard no matter how big or little you are. I'm grateful to have had such good friends in Iowa - friends that we long to be with. And I hope we can make friends like the Oakeses here in Washington. 

In the meantime, we'll work on that job in the Pacific Northwest for Mr. Tyrus and a wedding in 20+ years for Jane and Adam. 

A delicious lie

I have to record the following conversation I had with Kate earlier this week. This girl, I tell ya. 

Thursday morning, Kate and Leah went to my friend Haley's house for a little bit while I was at a doctor's appointment. When I picked them up and got in the car, I asked Kate what they did and if they had a good time. This was our conversation:

Mom: Did you guys have fun at Miss Haley's?

Kate: Yes! 

Mom: What did you do?

Kate: We ate a yummy snack.

Mom: Oh really? What snack?

Kate: Crepes. 

Mom: Grapes?

Kate: No. Crepes!

Mom: Crepes? The ones that look like really flat pancakes?

Kate: Yes! Those ones. With that chocolate stuff, what's that called?

Mom: Nutella!?!

Kate:  Yah! Tella! And strawberries. And bananas. 

Mom: Seriously? That was your snack!?

Kate:  Yah. It was yummy. 

Mom: Did Leah eat some too?

Kate: No. She didn't want any. 

Intermission. Feeling a serious need to up my snack game when Haley's kids are at my house (they usually get something amazing like veggie straws), I texted her to tell her thank you for such a delicious snack for my girls. She responded with: "Ummm...that is a classic case of Kate telling tales. I served crackers and grapes!"

Yah. Nice Kate. 

So I continued our conversation after her quiet time. 

Mom: Kate. What was your snack again at Miss Haley's house?

Kate: Crepes. And what's that chocolate stuff?

Mom: Nutella. 

Kate: Yah. Crepes and tella. 

Mom: Kate. I'm going to give you a chance to tell me the truth about your snack today. Think about your answer. What did you really eat at Miss Haley's house?

Kate: [Pause] Crepes and tella. With strawberries and bananas. 

Mom: Kate. I talked to Miss Haley. 

Kate: Why...what did she tell you?

Mom: Kate. I'm giving you one more chance to tell me the truth about your snack. 

Kate: [Pause.] [Still pausing.] Crackers. And grapes. And fruit snacks. 

Mom: Thank you. Why did you lie to me about a snack?

Kate: I fought you might be mad at me for lying. 

Mom: No, not why did you lie to me about lying about your snack. Why did you lie to me and tell me you had crepes in the first place?

Kate: Oh. Because I really wanted crepes and tella. 

Mom: [Sigh.] If you wanted crepes and Nutella, just tell me you want crepes and Nutella (heaven knows I want it too!). You don't need to make up a lie about eating it when you didn't!

Kate: Oh. Okay. 

Seriously! Thankfully she's usually not a very good liar - I can, way more often than not, see right through her. But this was executed perfectly. And with detail! And for no reason at all! I'm glad it was about something as silly as a snack, but worried about what she might lie about in the future. 

Suggestions...and prayers...and chocolate all accepted. 

changed for the better

Mid-March, I found myself staring into the mirror, with a sullen expression on my face. I just wasn't happy with the sagging skin, the muffin top, the bags underneath my eyes. For a moment, I let myself forget that I had just given birth one month before. 

One month. 

And not only was I just one month postpartum, I was still a full month away from getting medical clearance to work out because of having a c section. All this and I was already unhappy with the way my body looked. I was already not good enough. 

As I was telling a friend about this experience, she expressed to me that after her first child was born, she was sharing some of these same grievances with her mom. To which her wise mother responded something to the effect of when I was your age and having children, no one expected us to have a baby and bounce right back to our normal selves. They didn't expect us to act or look like nothing had happened to our bodies...because something HAD happened! 

I've really tried to keep that in mind as I transition back to a non-pregnant weight and size. Something DID happen to my body. Something incredible. Something amazing. Something miraculous. And I'm so grateful that it did. I'm so grateful for a cherubic infant who snuggles into my curves and sagging skin. Who grabs hold of my muffin top with her tiny, chubby fingers, with no intent to ever let go. Who stares just above the dark circles that hang below my eyes and peers into my soul. Because when she does, I catch a glimpse of heaven. 

I'm so grateful for my angelic Leah, who reminds me every day that our bodies - functioning or not - aren't the only things that are important. It is our spirits, our souls, that truly have worth. 

I'm grateful for my silly Kate and that she mixes up words sometimes. Because it's so much better to hear "Mom, I think your shirt is too big for you" as I exercise than what she actually means - that I'm too big for my spandex shirt.   

I'm so grateful for my own mother who never valued herself (at least in front of me) based on her physical fitness, but did show that taking good care of your body was important. 

I'm grateful for a husband who, when I'm indulging in a much-too-big bowl of ice cream at the end of a really long Thursday, doesn't say a thing. 

And I'm so grateful for Jane. I'm grateful she is reminding me that my body changed because she is HERE. She is in my arms! A living, breathing miracle. And with that reminder, I hope to remember I'll always be good enough.  

(I know, you really wanted to see a picture of my curves. You get Jane's instead.)

december in an instant

I love everything about December - the smells, the lights, the traditions, the people. I love watching the simple joy of my children as we spend time together as a family. I love the time I take to slow down and focus on my Savior and see the goodness in the world around me. There's a lot of hustle and bustle this time of year - places to be, gifts to buy, things to check off my to-do list. But my favorite moments are the quiet ones - sitting in the glow of the Christmas tree lights, watching the snow fall softly to the ground, singing a favorite carol. And I'm grateful for each of those moments and more this December. 

november in an instant

“I believe that appreciation is a holy thing--

that when we look for what's best...

we're doing what God does all the time...

we're participating in something sacred.”

-Mr. Rogers

october in an instant

L.M. Montgomery said it best when she penned, 

"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers."

Incredible Team Leah Bean support, fall leaves, weekend trips to Minneapolis, birthdays, two cute girls in their Halloween costumes, and baby GIRLS...I really am glad I live in a world - my world - where there are Octobers. 

september in an instant

We spent September recuperating from our August adventures. The girls settled into new school routines (2nd grade! Preschool!) and we added some extra curriculars. Ryan traveled for work. We geared up for our 2nd annual Team Leah Bean virtual 5k. And we traveled to the Big House to cheer on our Cougars (but apparently didn't cheer loud enough for them to score any points). 

Fall is in the air, we're back into our routines and it feels good. 

august in an instant

August flew by altogether too fast. We snorkeled in the ocean, we played with grandma, we took a day trip (read: 10 hours in the car) to Indianapolis, we started school!, we swam, we camped, we cleaned. Maren went on a girl's trip to Chicago. And our sweet little Leah was baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

It was a really good month spent with even better people. 

july in an instant

You start out with Utah, throw in a little heat and humidity in Iowa and end with Cancun. 

July was basically an Iowa sandwich with a really tasty bun on both ends. 

Throw in some swimming, star-studded golf, Nauvoo, neurology and GRANDMA and you've got a pretty great month. 

june in an instant

Summatime, summatime, sum sum summatime. 

Sunshine, swimming, sweat, strawberries, seizures. Almost everything about summer is simply glorious. I do tremble with fear thinking about long days that lead into long weeks with me as the sole entertainment for my children. But, I do love it. And I REALLY love it on swim days. 

In June we spent three whole days driving so we could run for two days straight. Really, we did. Good thing we love so much about Utah and the people who live there (and the people who visit there the same time we do). And lucky for the Laytons, they all put up with us and our bathroom-flooding shenanigans (that's a story for another day). 

may in an instant

Twelve.
Tucson. 
Tulips. 
Tornadoes. 
Three. 

May had a little bit of everything. Most of it good. 

april in an instant

Growing up, I was never one to appreciate the spring. I couldn't understand why some people chose it as their favorite season. After living through another Winter That Shall Not Be Named, I completely understand. Spring, and April in particular brings new life. Hope. Rebirth. Joy. Warmth. We celebrated the birth of our Savior. We enjoyed time with friends...outside! And we marveled at the beauty...and warmth...of God's creations in spring. 

a lesson for them and a reminder for me

A few weeks ago, the boundaries of our local church congregation (ward) were changed. Our former ward ended up being split three ways and our current ward boundaries now include families from both Illinois and Iowa. We longer meet with many of the close friends we have made the past nearly two years and our congregation as a whole is much smaller. 

Change can be hard, and it takes time to adjust, but I honestly was more worried for my girls than I was for myself. Kate went from having 17 friends in her nursery class to 4 boys younger than her and (luckily) one girl just her age. For Leah in particular, change is tricky. Though she seems to adjust well, there are a lot of logistics that need to be considered. New faces are most likely not familiar with her hyperventilating or breath holding. A seizure mid-service might make some individuals uncomfortable or scared. New kids in her own Sunday School class might not know how to interact with or include her. A whack in the face from her uncontrollable hands can be quite startling, not to mention painful. 

Yesterday, her new Sunday School teacher (who already knew Leah quite well), asked me to come in and talk with Leah's class about Leah and Rett syndrome. I planned to do it with Leah by my side, but her seizures had a different plan, so she was sleeping next to her dad (don't worry, he wasn't sleeping) on the couch in the foyer. 

So, I entered the room solo to teach about 10 seven, eight and nine year olds all about little Leah. It ended up being not only a lesson for them, but a reminder for me. 

I asked for two volunteers (all ten jumped out of their seats). When I picked two, we'll call them Billy and Sarah, I asked them to come to the front of the room. Billy was to think of something he did this past weekend that Sarah didn't know about. Billy thought for a moment and then mentioned he was ready. I then asked Billy to tell Sarah all about what he did BUT he couldn't use his hands and he couldn't speak at all. 

The look on his face was priceless. But, he thought for a moment and then began. Only he started to use his hands, so I had to tell him that wasn't allowed. He thought again and then started making motions with his body. Moving his body back and forth, trying to move his face, even making a few grunting noises. Eventually he began to nod his head up and down, back and forth. Sarah's face was drawing a blank and Billy was getting kind of frustrated. 

After about a minute, I asked Sarah to tell me what Billy did this weekend. As you might guess, Sarah was stumped. 

I then explained that Billy just must not have been thinking of anything at all. Otherwise he would have been able to tell Sarah all about it. Billy quickly interjected - he WAS thinking about something. It was just impossible to do it without his voice and hands! 

So, we asked Billy to tell us what he did - with his voice. He explained that he watched a Harry Potter movie with his sister. His head bobbing was his attempt to spell out the name of the movie with his head. 

We then had a great discussion about how Leah has thoughts just like they do. She has questions and comments. She has answers to the teacher's questions. She has funny things to say and comments about her weekend. But she has a body that doesn't allow her to communicate those thoughts very easily, if at all. 

We then spent a minute talking about how Leah CAN speak with her eyes, as well as other ways she can participate and be included in class. We talked about her breathing, her hand movements, her seizures. We even talked about her broken finger at length - way to make me feel like super mom all over again! 

My heart swelled as these kids asked question after question about Rett syndrome and had ideas about how they could talk with her. And I noticed for the rest of the day how friendly they were to her. Not in a condescending way, but in an "Hey! I really like you!" kind of way. 

Knowledge is power, my friends. And knowledge in the hands and minds of these kids as they learn to navigate this world alongside peers who are different from them is extremely powerful. And reminding a mom of that knowledge is an important and humbling thing too. Especially when said mom has been struggling to be patient lately.

Change can be hard and it does often take time to adjust. I'm grateful for a group of eight year olds for helping me to speed up that adjustment time and embrace the change.  

*Picture of Leah after church on a Sunday stroll. Church dress, sagging socks, tennis shoes, slept-on ponytail hair, sunglasses and spilled-on spring jacket. The girl can pull off any look, don't you think? 

march in an instant

March was a month of traveling - Ryan traveled, I traveled, we all traveled. I traveled south to warmth, he traveled waaaaaay south to even more warmth, and we all traveled north to...not warmth. But if an inability to decide whether its hot or cold doesn't define March in Iowa, I'm not sure what does. 

spring break in mis-wok-ee

It wasn't until about two weeks before spring break that I realized Leah had a neurology appointment in Chicago smack in the middle of our free time during the break. With me getting home from Salt Lake on Tuesday, we only had the end of the week to play...and her appointment was on Friday afternoon. These aren't just appointments you can reschedule - unless you're okay waiting six months. And we're not. I was a little bummed seeing as we wanted to go somewhere new (Chicago is lots of fun, but we've done it a few times and wanted to explore!). Ryan suggested Milwaukee and I wasn't over the moon about it, but figured it was better than nothing. Just a short drive north of Chicago, it was the best option for the amount of time we had given her appointment. 

We arrived a little later than we would have liked, but still took some time to explore the area near our hotel. We ran into the Fonz and Leah loved the elevators they had for her stroller on the river walk. Kate apparently had a rough day and relaxed by drinking a late night glass of water from a wine glass. 

The next day we explored Discovery World - an innovation, science and technology museum with hands-on exhibits. It had a music factory, an aquarium, an enormous exhibit of the Great Lakes and surrounding regions, a Les Paul exhibit and so much more. We spent hours exploring inside and out with a great, windy view of Lake Michigan...where we got a perfect family photo. (And, thanks to the reciprocal pass from our local museum, it was FREE!) 

That night, we walked over to the Milwaukee Public Market to eat. It was a hoppin' (read: crowded, notably so with a large special needs stroller) place to be on a Saturday night, but lots of fun. We ate some great food and bought some local popcorn to take home. We spent the night in watching a movie as a family. 

The next morning, we decided to hit up the Harley Davidson Museum on the way out of town. It was incredible! SO many Harleys from the first one produced in 1903 to current day. I loved the Harleys through history - especially the wartime effort, the wall of engine covers and, of course, all of the posters and ads. i can only dream of designing that well. We learned all about engines and tires and so much more. And we learned Kate was born to be wild. 

What a fun, quick weekend getaway with our girls to (ask Kate calls it) Miswaukee. It's fun to explore new places and learn new things!