today

Today I turned 28. It was a good day. Birthdays usually are. But today was a really good day. I felt loved by so many people and took time to smile at some small things.

Today I twirled and danced with Leah instead of being annoyed that she wanted some of my attention.

Today I cried in front of a friend realizing the reality of something in my life rather than bottling it up and trying to look put together.

Today I gave my husband a break and didn't mind at all that it means more work for me. I'm truly happy that he gets a few days to be rejuvenated.

Today I cleaned my bedroom.

Today I ate two desserts and didn't even care.

Today I thought about past birthdays: simple nights in with the Augers, my mom's ever-creative cakes (and non-cakes), parties with 16 nine year olds, shopping trips to the mall in the rain, dinner at TGIFridays with my mom - being so embarrassed that the waiter wanted to put a balloon in my hair, home on my 16th babysitting my sister while my friends when on UEA vacations and my mom was in Hawaii; my first birthday away from home; parties with roommates; leaves in the canyons.

Today I thought about past gifts: my first-ever razor (and being terrified to use it because Jenni told me I could gash my leg open); a sweet, sweet book about life...and death...from my aunt just a month after my dad passed away; an iPod from Ryan that has given me that extra bit of strength I didn't know was in me while running; a used Garfield book from my brother, Dan; adjustable roller skates to go cruising through the Auger's kitchen, a coupon for a free room cleaning from my sister; telling my mom we were expecting a baby on my birthday three years ago; cards from Leah; sweet messages from family and friends.

Today I thought about the past year and how I've grown as a person. I still have a lot to learn, but I feel I'm a little more honest with myself. I'm a little more open with others. I'm better at sharing my feelings.

I know it's okay to say 'no'.

I have a better idea of what really matters in life and what can wait until tomorrow. It's okay to cry. It's even better to laugh - especially at myself. I'll live if I don't wear makeup or do my hair - even if I'm going to see people during the day. It's fun to dance like a maniac even if people are watching. I'm more willing to try new, hard or unknown things. It's okay to fail sometimes - it will help you appreciate success. I have more strength than I usually give myself credit for. I'm not supposed to do things all on my own. It's good to be busy, but it's also okay to do nothing once in awhile. I've learned more as a mother than I ever thought there was to know...and I know it won't stop.

I have great friends. I have an excellent family. I have an incredible husband. I have an amazing little girl. I'm not such a bad person myself, but I'm my best self when I'm not worrying so much about me, but thinking about others.

I've learned that Heavenly Father does hear our prayers. Even though there have been multiple times this year when I've felt forgotten, he'll send me simple reminders to show me I'm definitely not.

I think 28 is going to be a good one. I can just feel it.