normal

for the past few months, a few words have been floating around in my head. i've been trying to make sense of them. what they really mean, you know?

'normal' is one of them.

what is normal? is there really such a thing? i know it's conforming to some sort of a standard or a usual or regular state, but who really sets those standards? and, if you don't somehow meet those standards, can you really never be considered normal?

some people choose to not conform or meet the standards on purpose. they like to stand out. they like to be different. others have those irregularities forced upon them. they have no choice.

for the first 11 years of my life, i grew up with a mom and a dad and two brothers and a sister. pretty normal. right? well, when my dad died and then my mom later remarried and i found myself with a step-dad and six step-siblings, i didn't feel very normal all of a sudden. but as i looked around, i found that most of my friends had different familial situations. and, as i continued on through life, that mixed family came to be much more normal to me.

i'm pretty sure leah is not normal to most people. but today, she seemed pretty normal to me. sure, she never spoke a word. sure, i spoon/hand fed her every single one of her meals, snacks and drinks. sure, she wasn't able to pick up any of the toys in her rooms. sure, i had to turn the pages of her books for her while i read them out loud.

but it was normal.

today i didn't give any of that a second thought.

today i went on a long walk with my little one and she fell asleep in the stroller. today she happily sat in multiple shopping carts as we ran one errand after another. today she laughed at and was engaged in her favorite tv show. today she snuggled into my arms as we read "little red riding hood" and other normal childrens' books. today she giggled like crazy every time i tickled her. today she stood by my side as i did the dishes, cleaned the bathroom and tidied up her bedroom. today she ran away from me, giggling, each time i told her to come to bed.

that's pretty normal, right?

it's kind of strange that, nine months ago, you could have played this day for me on video tape and i would have thought it was so strange. i'm sure outsiders think it's strange too. {actually, i know they do. i see their stares.} but every day, it just becomes a little more normal.

some days are more frustrating than others. but that's normal, right?

some days i dream about her saying silly things or dressing in silly outfits or being potty trained or eating her meals by herself or not hyperventilating or walking up and down a flight of stairs all by herself. but then i wake up and think, "wow. that was weird." it just wouldn't be normal.

this is leah. this is our life. it's pretty normal to me.

{that looks like a pretty normal three year old to me.}