Sunday, May 9, 2010

everybody needs a mother...

today i sat in a room packed full of women, feeling completely alone.

not a bad alone. not a good alone. just alone.

mothers, daughters, sisters and friends all around. chatting about this and that. and i was alone in my thoughts.

it's been a strange year for me, to say the least. i've struggled off and on with my feelings of adequacy as a mother in general. some days i feel like i do a run of the mill job just sliding by. other days i put a big, fat check mark on my "i'm an amazing mom" chart and walk away with a smile. other days are complete and utter disasters.

this year, i watched my mom battle cancer - and emerge triumphant - for the second time. my mom is amazing. i've said that before and i'm sure to say it again. the best gifts she has given me this year are to look at the big picture. to see things in perspective. to let your gratitude for the good be known. AND your gratitude for the bad. she learns from her mistakes, her trials, her weaknesses. she builds upon her successes, her happinesses {is that a word?}, her strengths. and then she shares it all with me. and i love her for it.

this year, i watched my daughter's abilities deteriorate before my eyes. my daughter is amazing. she's given me the gift of patience, of sacrifice, of rejoicing in the small things. she is the one whose body doesn't work anymore and she wakes up each morning with a big smile on her face {usually...albeit too early} and run at her day with all her might. she puts her all into everything she does. and she is very three years old. i've heard some of the jolliest laughs, seen some of the biggest grins, endured some of the most ridiculous tantrums and watched some of the most incredible breakthroughs this year. it was hard to see other kids telling their moms they loved them today, but leah shows it to me.

this year, i watched my mother in law continue to be the amazing woman, wife, mother and homemaker she has always been. she has some trials i wouldn't wish on anyone and she just keeps going with a smile on her face.

this year, i watched numerous friends have their first, second, third, fourth kids. i watched as they struggled and succeeded, laughed and cried, but most of all rejoiced in their ability to be a mother.

this year, i watched a few friends struggle with the reality that they can't bear children. i cried many tears and my heart simply aches for them to one day enjoy the blessings and heartaches and triumphs and struggles of motherhood. and these friends will be mothers one day...the best kind of mother.

this year, i watched a few friends say goodbye to their little ones as they went back to heaven far too early. again, i cried. i wept. i ached. i didn't have the right words. no one ever could.

this year, i was blessed to join a group of amazing mothers who work tirelessly each day to find a cure for their little ones and help their little angels succeed in this world. although i wish i could have met these women in other circumstances, i am ever so grateful to have met them.

this year, i am grateful not only to have a mom and to be a mom, but i'm grateful for all the women in my life who are mothers in their own right. who teach and nurture and love in a way we all so desperately need.

happy mother's day.

21 comments:

ed and kelli said...

love you shmave.. leah is a lucky bean to have you as her momma:) happy mother's day!

Amy said...

Well I have definitely benefited from your writing and your perspectives this year. Your posts always make me think and reflect. I can tell that you're an amazing mom. Your Leah is so lucky to have you. happy mother's day.

Uffens Family said...

You are an amazing mother...happy mother's day to you! ilyttmab!

Erika Hanks said...

Wow, you are an amazing writer, your post really was touching. I'm so sorry to learn about Leah's condition...I think you are an incredible mother! Happy Mother's Day.

Aubrey and Dale said...

Happy Mother's Day Maren! You amaze me with your strength, love, wisdom and the way you are willing to share the good and the bad with all of us.

Adam, Jaci, Grant and Grace said...

Beautiful! You have a way with words! Happy Mother's Day. Leah is lucky to have you!

Baldersons said...

Such a great post....you are both beautiful

Dan and Heather said...

Amen. You are an amazing mom and Shmoj is amazing as well- I can only hope that I turn out to be half the parent to Cannon as you and Mom have been. Happy mothers day!

Jessica Mosteller said...

I love your posts Maren. I am in awe at the amount of faith that you carry with you each day. Thank you for inspiring my to be a better person.

Jen said...

Happy mother's day Maren. . . .

. . . you brought tears to my eyes too.

whitney said...

thanks mare.... that was beautiful. right back at ya. loves.

Afton said...

I very much enjoyed your thoughts, or is that the right word? I think so, it made me positively reflect and ponder things, even the sad things but like you said, to be grateful. Thanks and happy mother's day to you.

t.t.turner said...

I love this. You're amazing!

Julia Wade said...

mare, i truly count myself lucky to call you my friend. happy mother's day.

Molly said...

I almost didn't read your post today, because crying in a cubicle is always embarrassing, and I am smart enough to know that your posts often touch my heart and make me cry. But I held it together. I am proud of myself. I think you're an amazing mom. Happy Mother's Day!!

ed and kelli said...

ps i just adore that picture of you and the bean. beautiful.

Rob and Marseille said...

this is my favorite post. can it be on the poll ;)

JAZKK Low said...

You should get paid to write Maren...seriously. Send some stuff in, write a book. I'd buy it! :) You are an amazing mom and woman. We all have our days...yikes. But you are right, looking at the big picture is what is important. Thanks for sharing everything! P.S. You look great in yellow. I love your outfit in that picture. You got style girl!~ Have fun in HI!

Maquel said...

Thank you so much for your thoughts on this, Maren. This was beautiful and it puts things in perspective for me as well.

Cristi said...

You are awesome...you inspire me.

rachel said...

What a beautiful and poignant post.