how anonymous does it...
i'm a little sad that anonymous is anonymous, simply because now i can't adequately give her the praise she deserves. but, rest assured, anonymous is wonderful in every way. some of you know her...and your lives are blessed for it.
here's how anonymous does it...
Well, that didn't happen. Or rather, that hasn't happened yet. I guess there is still time, but being single and a member of a religion that puts so much focus on the family makes me feel like a loser, even at the ripe old age of 28. I suppose it's mostly my fault. I've never been good at flirting; I'm much too shy to put myself out there. I've always been the gal pal - the girl who has friends who are boys, but never a boyfriend. I haven't been on a date in years. And as far back as I can remember I have always thought less of myself, and I tend to make degrading comments about myself in a joking manner, but some part of me feels like they are true. Part of me no longer believes that I am even meant to get married or have a family. I don't say that to make you feel sorry for me, it's just an observation I've made about my life.
I do have a great job as a nurse on a labor and delivery unit. It is an amazing place to work - I get to see miracles every day. It's wonderful to see a family come together be it for the first time or the tenth time, but it is also a constant reminder of the inadequacies in my life.
My life is not without its blessings. I am buying a house, and I live near my parents, who are a constant support to me. I recently changed which group I go to at church, which has been nice, but hard. I am no longer the oldest girl in a group of singles where the average age is at least 7 years younger than me. Instead I go to church with families, where I at least have friends my age, and people who care that I am there. I also joined a single's website, which is something I swore I would never do. I haven't had much success, but I am trying to do something that is totally outside my comfort zone. And even if I never meet "the one", I hope to make more friends and to become more comfortable with myself.
I also realize that I have the time to do things for myself, like crafting or reading. I also have the freedom to travel, or leave town at the drop of a hat, if I so desire. And while I still try to be frugal, I have the money to have nice things and new gadgets - I have never really had to live without anything. I have an amazing family and great friends who love me and are there for me. So even though my life has not (perhaps yet) turned out the way I thought it would, I still feel like a very blessed person.
3 comments:
It makes me sad that being unmarried at 28 is considered "old" in our religion's culture. I can remember my sister telling me that she didn't even want to get married until she was 30 (and she didn't). In fact, most people these days want to wait until they are 28, 29, 30, or even later to get married. However, that provides little comfort when your social circle is made up of people who get married at 19, 20, 21, 22... You sound like you have a wonderful outlook on things, but I think I'm mostly impressed by your ability to admit that it weighs on you. I think sometimes we try so hard to make everyone else think that we're doing great. But I think it's okay to be real and be disappointed. To remember that we don't have to be perfect and peppy all the time about our "trials." Does that make any sense? I hope it did. And it's obvious that you know you have a wonderful life filled with many blessings and amazing people. I wish you the best!
I relate with you. I think all women feel inadequate to some degree and disappointed with some of their circumstances in life. It's just part of our nature. I'm glad you work in Labor and Delivery. What a blessing for you and those you help. My mother told me one time that as women we are all mothering those around us; it is within our nature. I'm sure you are doing a lot of that nurturing. I hope you meet someone right for you. In the meantime, you're finding that happiness within yourself as you reach out to others, and doing some wonderful things with your life.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Anonymous. It is a hard thing, there are so many ways that we can feel like we are worthless. It's something I think about a lot, about how I define my self worth. The only solid answer is to turn to the Lord and I strive to do that one step at a time, just like you :)
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