mother's day, take 8

The past seven years as a mother have simultaneously flown and crept by. I have no idea how in the world more than seven years have so quickly passed, yet it feels like I have always been a mom to my darling girls.

I posted a picture on Instagram with the following caption, "It's been an emotional day as I think about my 7 years as a mom...and a bit overwhelming as I think of my role in the years to come. Motherhood has been more intense in every way than I ever could have imagined. Harder, happier, more satisfying and stressful, more gut-wrenching and gratifying and definitely more full. I have a long way to go but am so blessed to do it next to these two beautiful girls with the example of my own incredible mom."

I feel like I have done a bit of growing this year - becoming more comfortable with myself as a mom and with my girls. They could not be more different. Leah is quiet, but loves the spotlight. She's tough as nails, but absolutely has her moments of weakness. She has a sneaky sense of humor and is just plain fun to be around. At the same time, Leah has stretched me far more than I ever could have imagined and it is the further stretching I know is down the road that terrifies me to tears sometimes. 

Kate is fiercely independent (Ryan calls it stubborn and we're both certain she got it from me...so, fiercely independent it is). She is hilarious and crazy and inquisitive. She hates sitting still, but I think she's more of an introvert like her mom and dad. She's learning to love to read and sing, but would still rather build and explore. She cries at the drop of a hat, but laughs just as quickly.

My home is usually not clean - it's cluttered with toys and blankets, diapers and dirty laundry, shoes and schoolwork. I don't wash, dry and straighten my hair every day like I used to and I often swap my daily date with the jogging stroller for a mid-morning dance party. 

I'm really tired. I cry a lot. And I have so many new wrinkles (no gray hair...yet!). But those girls also give me energy. They make me laugh. And I have tons of smile lines too.

I've tried a little harder this year to put down the to-do list and get on the floor. To stop and look Leah in the eyes. To not cry over spilled milk (or a $700 bottle of medicine). To listen to Kate's imagination run wild. To let my girls be little. And to be there when they need me. I'm so proud of the girls that they are and the good choices they make each day, and I'm learning to be proud of myself for the same reasons. 

Because I know the next seven years, and the seven years after that, and the seven after that...are going to fly by as well. Some days might creep, but the years will fly. And no matter how intense they are, I can't wait to take flight. 

(And for proof that both of my girls do, actually, smile while looking at the camera...just never simultaneously.)