Sunday, May 13, 2012

mother's day

{i understand this post is being back-posted so it can show up in my blog for mother's day. but, the thoughts i've recorded were, actually, recorded on mother's day so they are true to the moment...not changed over the course of the past two weeks and my experiences since that day.}

mother's day 2012 didn't get off to a great start. and it had nothing to do with the lovely card ryan and leah created for me or the incredible new ninja blender they gifted me. or the delicious meal they prepared for me {more on that later...}. in fact, it sadly happened in spite of those things and the wonderful way they treated me. 

mother's day always falls on a sunday, which i hate because i don't really like going to church on mother's day. when i was younger, i felt my mom and my family were being judged because we weren't a "typical" family - whatever that means. my mom worked full time and couldn't spend all the time she wanted at home with us. and the only time i ever felt the negative effects of that was at church on mother's day - never from my actual mother. as i grew an had my own life experiences i had some mother's days that were great and some that were not so great. so this year, after being completely and utterly emotionally exhausted with the week's experiences and disappointment with billy turning breech and fear for the summer, i just wasn't in the mood to go to church and hear about how wonderful being a mother is and how perfect we should be and we should always be happy and grateful, etc., etc. i wasn't all that happy. i wasn't grateful at the moment. and i was most definitely not in a mood to answer endless questions about my sure excitement for the coming week. 

in the end, ryan and leah won out and i decided to go. and i'm really glad i did. 

before i left, i had succumbed to the fact that baby #2 was breech and i would be having a c-section. i wasn't happy. but i moved on. and knew i'd have to answer the same questions countless times in the next three hours. but it was in sunday school that the perfect lesson was given for me, for this particular day. it was given by a young, single male and had nothing to do with mother's day or my situation specifically, but the lessons i learned were gleaned from what was on my mind. 

he started out his lesson by asking in what or in who do we place our trust? he then climbed onto a chair and fell backward into the arms of four strong men he had hand-chosen before the class began. they, obviously, caught him and he was saved from harm. the discussion then ensued about placing our trust in people we are certain will catch us - or who can help us after we fall if it's impossible for someone to catch us. 

as i sat and thought about my upcoming week and the challenges it was sure to bring, i thought about who i would place my trust in. the teacher had picked four strong men on purpose. why not a child? or why not me and the other expecting woman sitting nearby? i think the answers are obvious. he chose individuals he was certain could catch and help him. 

and i realized at that point, i just need to be okay with accepting help. i don't have to go through it all on my own. i'm surrounded by amazing people who are willing and able to help me out this summer and maybe i need to give them the chance to serve? it can be physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausting to continually fight your own battles with no help. but when we allow others to help, some {if not all or most} of that burden is lifted. 

my fear for my recovery is based on the known {my past experience with a c-section is all i know and it is truth to me} AND the unknown {will my experience this time be any different? better? worse?}.

but in the end, i need to ultimately place my trust in a Higher Power. in my Heavenly Father. i need to trust that He knows what is best for me {even if i see what seems to be a ridiculously easier and more sensible way}. and, when i submit my will to His, i am promised His help. if i insist on doing things my way, He might just let it happen, but then His help is not promised. 

and that, in a nutshell, is why i needed to go to church on mother's day. and i'm recording this for my own selfish reasons because i know i'll need to look back on it multiple times this summer when i need a subtle {or not-so-subtle} reminder. 

we got home from church and ryan took some pictures of me and leah on the porch. then our neighbor offered to take a family picture for us. little did we know it couldn't have come at a better time because we'd only be a family of three for a few more hours!
 nice, leah.

more on mother's day 2012 to come...

5 comments:

Colleen said...

One of the hardest things I ever did was letting other people clean my kitchen when Chloe was a baby, but I survived, barely. I'm glad that you went to church and got that last dose of encouragement in. Also, Leah looks like she's gotten some squishier legs, she looks really healthy.

lmackay32 said...

I seriously LOVE reading your blog. You are an amazing writer and so very honest. Thanks for sharing your thought and emotions with us. I am anxiously waiting Kate's birth story :)

Morgan said...

great post mare! so glad that you were able to get these insights!! this is actually what i was thinking (in your behalf :) a couple weeks ago when your baby turned breech and then never turned back. i know that that would be hard for me as well, to ask for help. that and trusting in the Lord, that things will either be easier this time around, or that people will be right there for you ready to help. i know i am! i would LOVE to come out and help you!! though my 3 crazy boys would probably just add chaos and stress... ;)

Erica said...

love this maren. especially the last pic. oh leah bean!

Kelli Marshall said...

oh bean you are a hoot!