Monday, September 9, 2013

mundane no more

What I thought was going to be a relatively mundane Monday afternoon activity turned into quite the emotional roller coaster. 

You see, Kate's belly is growing at what seems an exponentially fast rate. Her 12-18 months clothes just aren't cutting it anymore. 

So, I headed downstairs to...the room. The room that I just don't dare go in because there is too much to be done! Full of boxes and odds and ends and things I just can't organize quite yet. I shifted some things around and found the two bins I figured I'd need and began to sort through them. 
And that's when it hit. These clothes are more than just old clothes in a bin. These clothes, more than any other clothes we own, have so many memories attached to them. Both beautiful and horrific.

The sparkly skirt Leah was wearing when she took her first steps into my arms. 

The orange and black leggins from her halloween costume the day we got our diagnosis

The striped skirt she wore when we decided to fool a few people

The jacket I remember so well both from waiting in the neurologist's office and swinging at the park

The shirt she wore when I wanted to hurt somebody

The swimsuit she wore while feeding herself goldfish poolside. 

The shorts she wore on her first day of school and when she got stuck and played with jackers

The headbands that adorned her sweet curls - headbands she placed on her head herself. 

The shirt she wore that fabulous day at the zoo

So many pajamas worn by a child too tortured to sleep at night. 

So many clothes once tear-stained by a sweet little girl and her parents.

And today, some were covered in tears again. 

It seems to be a roller coaster of grief and acceptance I'm on. And I think I went through an entire ride or two today. Here's to hoping the clothes only create this kind of emotion in me today, not every time Kate's chubby little body dons them. 

If not, there's going to be some other sweet 18-24 month old wearing some pretty darn cute clothes!

So much for mundane. Ugh.


Tanis said...

I had a day like that at the beginning of the summer when I was packing... going through clothes to give away and so many I HAD to keep because they reminded me of days before Rett and so many I had to give away because of days before, during and after Rett came into our lives... Kate will rock the clothes and hopefully make new happy memories!
Love you and those girls!

Kelli Marshall said...

i'm pretty sure that's the saddest post i have read. i am bawling. but i hear ya.. that's why kenz is happy to share with katers if new memories are needed to be made:) mack has tons of clothes to share, and sadly no sister to share them with. but i still just can't part with them.. so to katers they go:)