see mj write: day 24 {whatever tickles your fancy}

i'm not sure what i was thinking when i entered into the world of public relations.

more than anything, i wanted to be a journalist. but after a lot of research and prayer and thought, i knew it wasn't the route for me. business was next. i enjoyed many of the courses, but could have died from boredom in some of those finance classes. i never had much interest in the softer sciences of mfhd, psychology, sociology or education like most of my female counterparts at byu. in fact, you won't find a single class of the like on my transcript. i got a letter from my econ 110 teacher asking me to consider majoring in economics, based on my final grade. apparently most students don't even pass that class, let alone get a B+ or above?? but, econ wasn't for me either. i liked math and science, but again, not enough to make them my life.

and there was that entire building down a massive set of stairs, that, for some reason, i never even considered. maybe it was the stairs that turned me off? i'm not sure, but in hindsight, i think a major in exercise science or nutrition and food science or occupational therapy might have been better for my life's path. or even special education - i wouldn't even have had to walk up and down those stairs all day long.

i enjoyed public relations. i still enjoy some aspects of it. but i never ever, not once, considered working in the actual field labeled pr.

and now, i'm entering a whole new world of education i never dreamed i would need.

my vocabulary is rapidly increasing. i've heard more words ending in "itis" and "ology" and "osis" to last a lifetime. if i had a penny for each time "mutation" or "gene" or "syndrome" was presented, i'd be rich. "development", "neurological" and "disorder" have become my right-hand men.

i'm becoming proficient in smiling and nodding each time i hear someone tell me something to the effect of how great "this age" is. "don't they say the funniest things?" or "i'm amazed at how much a three year old can do!"

i want to be excited for my friends and all that their children are learning and doing. and most of the time i am. i truly am. but i'm not perfect. and sometimes i wish we all had the same trials - just to even things out a bit, you know?

sometimes i wonder if this will ever feel normal. the other day i woke up pouting. ryan asked what was wrong and i replied, "i just woke up. and leah still has rett syndrome." it's like a bad dream that just won't go away.

but we're learning.

and really, if i step away from the pity party once in awhile, i realize i really do have it good. this is my life. it's not the life i initially imagined, but it's mine. and i'll take it.

i'm learning. i'm giving myself an education. i'm delving into all the "itis-es" and "ologies" and "osis-es" with as much gusto as i can muster. my teachers are the doctors, the specialists, the families who have gone before. they're some of the best teachers i've ever had. i'm learning about speech therapy and occupational therapy and physical therapy. i'm learning how to read her and understand the things she wants. i'm learning how to interact with her and what makes her giggle and what makes her sad.

we learn new things and then we work and we work and we work again. we try and fail and try and fail to the nth degree and then, hopefully, we succeed. it's hard work - for everyone involved.

but if i've learned anything from hard work, it's that it usually pays off.

and today it did. leah ate her pancakes with a fork this morning. i put it on the fork, she picked it up out of my hand and brought it to her mouth all by herself. by herself, people! i was so proud. she was so proud! it emanated from her all morning. then as i did a workout video, she proceeded to pick up the water bottle that was on the ground to help smooth her pigtails and put it to her mouth to take a sip all by herself. by. her. self! i even saw a hand transfer in there. that is big news.
if i've learned anything from an education, it's that it's usually good for something. maybe not what we initially imagined. sure, i could have learned a lot from exercise science or occupational therapy that would be beneficial, but right now i'm working on relating with my public.

maybe it wasn't such a bad major after all.