gratitude: day 18

today i am grateful for my mom.the reason i chose her for today is because i got my first mammogram today {tmi? sorry}. my mom has battled breast cancer twice, along with multiple surgeries and treatments that go along with it. and twice she has come out victorious. i know this post won't even begin to do this amazing woman justice, but i'm going to try.

my mom is a constant source of strength for me. i don't want to ever imagine my life without her. she was first diagnosed with cancer when i was pregnant with leah. my tears didn't come for a few weeks. i think i was slowly trying to internalize the seriousness of the situation. but it finally hit me - and it hit me hard - when i realized just how much i never want to be a mother without my own mother by my side. i don't live near her. we don't talk every day {just almost every day}. but knowing i can call to ask questions, to chat, to complain, to share my joys and frustrations is more than priceless to me.

my mom is realistic in that she doesn't take things for granted. she puts forth time and energy into doing things right and well and in a healthy manner.

and, although she's realistic, she is also optimistic. she sees the big picture and doesn't fear. she's so good at this, in fact, that it almost makes you want to barf {sorry, mom}. no whining around my mom. she's there to remind you of the big picture and of all the blessings you have. and...she's right.

faith and fear are opposites; they cannot exist together. she said this once and it has stuck with me ever since.

my mom has faith that, if you are obedient, things will work out as they should and you will be blessed. and let me tell you, this incredible woman has had a life that many people wouldn't think was full of blessings. she's had what i think is more than her share of trials. but then she'd just say that no one ever told her what her share was. she just takes each trial, analyzes it, figures out how to get through it {not over it, not around it, not under it...through it - those are her words} and come out on top.

she has spent countless hours thinking about and praying for leah...and myself and ryan.

she calls me often, texts me, emails me, and sends me letters and care packages. and somehow, it's ALWAYS exactly what i need to hear at that moment. which is funny because she usually writes them after we've talked and i don't receive them for a few days. it's something i've been struggling with at that moment and she helps to calm my fears. or she cries with me. or laughs with me.

my mom is fun. she's a grandma that rolls around on the floor with the kids. she takes me shopping. she runs with me. she cooks with me. she sings with me. she plays the piano with me...even when i make fun of her.

she drove me to and from work every single day because she needed the car to do other things in between. she got me a job at her place of work one summer, so drove to and from work every day together...singing our hearts out. she's got my back when she thinks i've been wronged....and she fights my case to the death. she sat in the back of a crowded high school auditorium to hear the results of a class office race...and when i didn't win, she was there with a consolation prize.

you never ever ever want to get into an argument with my mom. she's always right. always. not just because she's the mom and she thinks she's right. because she has thought out her argument so perfectly and so eloquently, there is just no winning when you're not on her team. and, when she's not right {very rare}, she readily admits it.

my mom is my friend. she always has been. she taught me well and let me fly. she doesn't micromanage. she doesn't ask questions that aren't any of her business. she's interested in my interests. she's proud of me. she shouts for joy when i succeed and she picks me up again when i don't.

in a blessing i received about 10 years ago, i was told guardian angels will be with me to guide me through my Earthly trials. i'm convinced my mom is one of them.

i love my mom.

i am oh so grateful for my mom.